Thursday, May 1, 2014

Letter to an old girlfriend,

In your "Parallel Paths" blog, you exclaim how life is, we come and go, do we matter? Do I matter, that you are not certain that you do or will, if someone will say "Gayle of blessed memory . . ."  These are ageless questions probably most people, especially those who are religious and believe in an afterlife, would want to know, but never will know.

Let's be analytic and pragmatic.  Movie stars probably come closest to being blessed with perpetual existence, as they were in real life, even if mostly in the roles they portrayed.  But whatever role he played, Clark Gable will remain Clark Gable, also under the glow of Rhett Butler.  Next to these will be some musicians, entertainers and artists, like Edith Piaff, who will be remembered mostly thru their work.  Then there will be some famous names, like Alexander the Great, Beethoven and Einstein who will be celebrated entirely for their accomplishments, regardless of what they looked like or their real lives.

For most of us, your inquiry will be relevant at most in this life, (I believe) inconsequential thereafter.  We will be one of the billions of nameless beings who passed thru this world and then departed, before us, with us, after us.   This is true even those with children and grandchildren.  They will be remembered by select few years longer than those without offspring, but eventually they too join oblivion.  Take Anne, who is 30 years or one generation older than you.  She has 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren.  To the latter 4, she is merely an old lady they know they should respect, about whom they really know next to nothing.  To the 5 grandchildren she is more of a person, about whom they know bits and pieces of a few disconnected facts and history, but that's that. She matters much more to me and my sisters.  Being from the Mid-East, we are much more involved with our parents in old age, like the fact that we would never allow them, for example, to join a nursing home.  Because my sisters are married and have their own lives and families, Anne is most comfortable being with me, also to guide me in the care of Belinda.  She has no medical complaints, but is much slower now  and careful of maintaining her balance.  Having served her purpose in life, which was focussed exclusively on our welfare, I feel she is now awaiting death, so to speak, though the little girl in her still wants to do exiting things, even just in thought, the adult and parent in her still curious about events, news and happenings.

Literally 100s of people have crossed her path, but 2 of her 6 close childhood friends in Turkey are now dead.  She left Turkey 22 years ago, so we are no longer connected to the daily lives of remaining family and old friends.  Some of them call once or twice a year; we do the same.  Other than that it is just memories of once upon a time  . . .  Everyone is busy with their own lives and dreams; soon only my sisters and I will remember Anne in a meaningful way; after we are gone, she will be reduced to a name (if people can remember Zekiye) and the fact that she came from Turkey; in a few decades she will not matter, we will not matter, foremost because there will not be anyone we knew still alive to care . . .  So even the memories do not last.  I spread around enough photos and narrative of us on the Internet, just in case someone unknown to us becomes curious, or just so that there is a story of Anne somewhere, maybe to be found.  You see, even karma cannot operate in a vacuum.  I gave it a tiny arena to function.   


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